I Will Not Tell
by SleepingDove
Summary: I will speak no words, but she will know. I will hold her hand, and she will understand. And she will take my love with her into the heavens. SY


You know the things that go here....so I'll skip it...  
  
ONE SHOT ...................................................  
  
There are times in life when things don't go according to plan. Life itself is one of them, so is marriage, and the one thing that never follows a schedule is death.  
  
Sakura was dying.  
  
No one knew the answer to why. Quietly, but surely, she was fading away. It wasn't age; she was too young for that, only 25. It wasn't a sickness; she was too healthy. But just as the cherry blossoms fade after a season, Sakura was slowly dropping her petals.  
  
As days went by, her brilliant smile lost its some of its mirth, her bright eyes lost some of its shine. She was loosing strength, it showed in her ability to call upon her cards. It showed when she got up in the morning to greet her guardians. It showed as she sat on the bench in the backyard writing a letter.  
  
It started about half a year ago. She began to faint often and eat less. At first, everyone thought it was because her engagement with Syaoran had been broken off, but when Sakura checked out into the hospital for an exam, they found out, she was dying and had been for about an year. The doctors weren't sure why. She went from hospital to hospital, searching for an answer, but the doctors could not figure out why. The center of the universe was dying, and no one knew why.  
  
Then about three months ago, she gave up and decided to accept her fate. She began calling up on her cards to say her fairwell. Not knowing when she was going die, she contacted everyone and said her early goodbyes.  
  
Tomoyo returned from England to stay with Sakura until the end, but was turned down by Sakura. She did not want to be a burden. Sakura sends daily letters to Tomoyo, reporting her health. Tomoyo sends one back daily also. The pages of writing that Tomoyo sends back are filled with her latest designs, her new boyfriend, and her recent pictures. Tomoyo is the best friends that Sakura leans on to forget her sickness. Tomoyo is the sunshine that brightens her day.  
  
Meirin calls almost daily from China to talk to Sakura. They chat for hours, crying, laughing, and arguing. It's like they are back in middle school and nothing in the world is wrong. But Meirin knows. Sakura knows. Something is wrongs, but they won't talk about it for now. Later. They'll face it later.  
  
Touya cries himself to sleep every night. He'll never tell Sakura that. He worries and blames himself for Sakura's sickness. A doctor himself, he works from sunup to sundown to try to figure out what is wrong. He won't tell Sakura that either. He'll never tell her how he wakes up every few hours to check upon on his monster. He'll never tell her how he wakes up extra early just to prepare her favorite meal. He'll never tell her how a small part of him is dying with her. He smiles, laughs, and makes fun of her all day. Never showing her how he is worried. He is her perfect guardian.  
  
Sakura's dad stopped coming in late from work. Instead, he returns home extra early to spend more time with his only daughter. After dinner, he takes Sakura out for a walk and tells her about her mother: the beautiful angel that she never got to see. Sakura's father was the first to accept. He was the first to tell Sakura everything would be alright. He comforted her, when Sakura woke up in the middle of the night screaming. He would be the one to lay her in for final resting place, when she died. Sakura turns to her father with her fears and regrets, knowing he'll understand. Knowing that he'll be there no matter what.  
  
Kero has stopped playing his games, and started helping around the house. He cleans and sometimes cooks. While his eating habits have yet to disappear, he is still Sakura's joy. They fight from their waking morning to when their eyes shut for bed. He sleeps right by her now; afraid that she would disappear if he left her side. Kero, the guardian who did not cry when Clow died, cries for Sakura. He cries in front of her, he cries behind her, and he cries with her. Kero decided to make a scrapbook of Sakura. He says he'll bury it with her, so that she can take it to heaven and remember them. Touya helps out.  
  
Sakura never feared anything in her life. But she fears this death. Maybe its because she does not understand why she is dying, or because she is dying for early. Whatever the reason, she fears it. She'll never tell anyone that. While she may tell Tomoyo about how she is loosing her strength, will never tell her this fear. While Sakura may talk about all her childhood secret with Meirin, will never tell her she fears this sickness. While Touya may be her perfect guardian, Sakura will never tell him this. While she may tell her dad everything, this is the one thing she will keep a secret from him. While Kero may be her hero, he will never find this out. She will tell no one this....but me.  
  
Sakura, who is never asked anything of me but to be her friend, now asks me to keep a secret. Her biggest fear and I will keep it until my death.  
  
I sit by her now, as she takes her rest for the day, and gently touch her cheeks. She's too boney now, having lost whatever fat she had. She lustrous hair is limp and there are dark circles under her eyes. She asks nothing of me, and I wonder if there is anything I have to offer. I sit by her at night and pray that she opens her eyes when the sun rises. I carry her, when her legs began to falter, and lend her my powers, when hers lack.  
  
Gently, I bend down to kiss her cheeks, whispering a small prayer to whoever is listening.  
  
"Yue. I want to see the moon."  
  
I looks down into her emerald eyes and nod.  
  
I carry her high into the heavens where the stars are dancing with the moon. She laughs and hugs my neck. She screams with exhilaration when I turning the air. She is like a child again.  
  
As we come to land at her house she turns to me.  
  
"Let's go to OUR place."  
  
I'm unsure as to this place, but I take her up again: letting my heart tell me where 'our place' is.  
  
When we come to a stop, it is all of Tokyo that I see. I sit her down and she gets up right away. She walks close to the edge and trips. I run to her. She looks up, and smiles  
  
"Oops."  
  
She is like a child again.  
  
She dances along the edge, and my heart skips a beat every time to she gets too close to falling. I grab her hand, it's so tiny, and tell her to stop. She laughs and pulls away. Then she jumps off. I let out a short scream and plunge off after her. Quickly I grab onto her and lift her back up. She laughs again.  
  
"I knew you would catch me. I wasn't afraid."  
  
This is a different side of Sakura. I hold her tightly. She hugs me back and cries. I hold her until her tears are gone. Then taking her face into my hands, I wipe away the stains that the water drops have left behind.  
  
Sakura sits down and pulls me down with her. I sit. She looks up to the moon and sings softly. It is a tune I have heard somewhere; a tune that you only remember in dreams. When she is done, silence fills in. She leans on me. I hold her closely, afraid that she'll jump off again.  
  
I don't remember when I started talking, but soon I'm telling her about my time with Clow. I'm telling my everything. She listens quietly, never interrupting.  
  
In the many years that I've known her, she never asked about my past, silently letting me choose the time to tell her. I have chosen this is a good time to tell her. Her slow breathing becomes a rhythm for me to follow, and the story becomes a lullaby for her to rest to.  
  
When I am done, she has fallen asleep. I smile, knowing she has heard every word and she will take up story with her when she dies.  
  
I take her up into my arms once more and fly her home, where Touya will be waiting by the window and her father will be cooking breakfast. The morning sun is rising.  
  
"I love you, Sakura." I kiss the lips of the sleeping card mistress.  
  
Our time left together may be short. But until then, I would like to give her my all. Like the story I told, she may hear my confession, but she will know in her heart and like the story, she will take my love with her into the heaven.  
  
When we arrive home, Touya and Sakura's father is waiting. They have prepared breakfast for me, even though I do not eat, a fact that makes Sakura frown. I take Sakura to her room and lay her down. I look at Kero who is crying again and leave the room.  
  
I head downstairs. Touya has already started eating. I sit at my place and pick up a spoon. Touya looks up. I take a spoonful of cereal and began eating. This time, when Sakura comes down to breakfast to eat, for she never misses breakfast, she will see me and smile. 


End file.
